


i've been meaning to tell you

by ne0nbible



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26864620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ne0nbible/pseuds/ne0nbible
Summary: It’s weird becoming close friends with someone that you used to know. There are so many things about Lexi that seem the exact same, but there are also a bunch of ways that she’s different and it surprises Rue. It’s good. It keeps her on her toes.
Relationships: Rue Bennett/Lexi Howard
Comments: 22
Kudos: 160





	i've been meaning to tell you

**Author's Note:**

> Accidentally listening to seven by Taylor Swift too many times and cranking out this AU? Couldn't be me.
> 
> ne0nbible.tumblr.com

Rue Bennett is seven years old and her best friend in the entire world is Lexi Howard. Lexi lives three houses down from her and Rue can’t remember a time in her life when she didn’t know Lexi.

They’re in the same class at school, so they see each other pretty much every day. Even on the weekends, their parents will take them roller-skating, or to the zoo, or to a movie. Despite being together constantly, Rue is always excited to see her friend. She’s pretty sure they will be best friends forever.

* * *

Rue’s just a kid but she still notices when things start changing. It’s slow at first. Sometimes when she’s over at Lexi’s house to play, Lexi’s dad gets really angry. He even snapped at them, telling them to go upstairs once. They could still hear him yell at Lexi’s mom for what seemed like eternity. It was scary. Lexi cried. They ended up hiding in her closet, trying to drown the sound out.

Eventually, Rue’s mom stops letting her go over to Lexi’s, instead telling her that Lexi can come to their house if they want to play.

She notices that Lexi seems sad a lot now. It makes Rue feel sad too.

* * *

“I wish I could live here,” Lexi says after they build a fort in Rue’s room one day.

Rue grabs her friend’s hand, “Me too. Or we could run away.”

“Where would we go?”

“Anywhere. As long as we're together.”

Lexi smiles for the first time in awhile.

* * *

The doorbell wakes Rue up early on a Saturday morning. She can hear loud voices, so she decides to get up. She slowly makes her way down the hall, realizing that it must be Lexi’s mom at the door.

She only catches a few phrases, but none of it is making sense to her right now.

_“Lost the house”_

_“He’s hooked”_

_“Left us with nothing”_

_“We’re leaving”_

Rue reaches the end of the hallway and sees her mom standing in the empty doorway of the open front door.

“Mom? What’s going on?”

“Nothing honey, go back to bed,” her mom tries.

Rue knows that something is wrong.

“Who was yelling?”

Her mom sighs, “Um, Lexi and her family… are moving.”

Rue’s stomach drops.

“Why? When?”

She can see in her mom’s face that whatever is happening is bad, “It’s just something they have to do. They’re leaving right now. I’m sorry, honey.”

Rue moves to the doorway and sees Mrs. Howard’s car heading down the street. She can sort of make out Lexi’s tear-stained face in the backseat as the car passes by. All Rue can do is raise her hand, waving slowly. Lexi barely waves back before the car is out of sight.

Rue’s mom comes up behind her, placing her hands on her shoulders.

“I told Mrs. Howard to call us. Maybe you can see Lexi again once they get settled.”

Rue nods slightly, “Okay.”

Somehow, even though she still doesn't fully understand what just happened, Rue knows that isn’t likely.

Rue never hears from Lexi again.

* * *

Rue is fourteen when she decides to ask her mom about it at dinner. On the menu tonight is some new healthy dish that her mom is trying out, so she decides she’s done eating anyways.

“Mom, can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” her mom replies, shooting her a curious expression.

“Why did Lexi’s family move away? Was her dad in trouble or something?”

The older woman pauses for a moment, “What do you remember?”

“I remember her dad was always angry. He started acting weird. And the morning they left, I heard Mrs. Howard say something to you about him and their house.”

Rue’s mom sighs, “I guess you are old enough to know. Lexi’s dad… he had a drug problem. He borrowed a lot of money because of it and he couldn’t pay it back. Lexi’s mom left him when she found out but she couldn’t afford the house anymore.”

That makes sense, Rue thinks. The stuff she witnessed as a kid that wasn’t so clear is suddenly adding up. Poor Lexi.

“Do you know where they went?”

“No, honey, I wish I did. Mrs. Howard said something about San Diego, but I never knew for sure. She didn’t give me a number to reach them at. She had ours but…” her mom trails off, offering a sympathetic look.

Rue shrugs, “Thanks for telling me.”

It’s pretty quiet for the rest of the meal.

After dinner, Rue goes on her computer and searches 'Lexi Howard' on Facebook. Turns out, there are a lot of them out there. She tries narrowing her search to San Diego, but all of the profiles are for old people. She goes back to the general search and looks at a few, but none of them look like they could be her.

Later, she tries Instagram too, but gives up for the same reasons.

* * *

Rue has just graduated from high school. It’s one of those moments that seems surreal when it actually happens, even though she’s pretty excited about going off to college. Rue’s lived in the same town since she was born and so have most of the kids in her class. Like them or hate them, they remind Rue she has been in her comfort zone for years.

She’s standing with a group of her friends in the living room of Daniel’s house, considering he decided to throw a huge party in celebration of the occasion. Pretty much anybody who is anybody is here. The only good thing about Daniel is that he somehow always has a house full of alcohol and absentee parents.

Rue cracks open another beer, trying to remember how many she has had tonight. She’s not really a hardcore drinker, but she figures it’s a special occasion.

“Since we just fucking _graduated_ , I got us all a gift,” Maddy exclaims, pulling out a tiny bag of pills and shaking it in the air gently.

“What is it?” Kat asks, setting her cup down.

“Molly. It’s legit, I swear.”

“I’m in!” Jules exclaims happily, holding her hand out. Kat and Ethan follow suit.

Maddy gets to Rue, but the taller girl shakes her head, “I’m good.”

“Bitch! Come on. It’s a special occasion!”

“I know, thank you, but I’m seriously good,” Rue gestures to her drink.

“Fine,” Maddy puts away the extra pill, “You just, like, never indulge.”

“That’s because Rue is afraid of becoming an addict,” Jules chimes in.

Rue shoots her a glare. Jules is always so fucking mouthy when she gets drunk, let alone high.

“What? Why?” Kat chuckles.

“Because her childhood bestie’s dad was one and that’s why she moved away. Rue never saw her again,” Jules adds with a dramatic tone.

“Shut up, Jules,” Rue replies.

“What? It’s true,” Jules turns back to the rest of the group before adding with a slight whisper, “I think she was Rue’s first crush.”

“Seriously?” Rue spits out.

“Wait, who was it?” Maddy asks.

“Her name was _Lexi_ ,” Jules continues, “I didn’t even live here yet. That’s how long ago it was.”

“Oh my god, I forgot about that girl,” Kat chimes in.

“Wait, why don’t I remember this chick?” Maddy questions.

Rue looks confused, “Dude, you were best friends with her sister Cassie.”

Maddy contemplates for a moment, trying to remember, “Cassie Howard? She had a sister?”

Jules starts laughing, as if Maddy has cracked the funniest joke of all time.

“Okay, I’m getting another drink,” Rue mutters, heading towards the kitchen.

This kind of shit is the reason Rue and Jules broke up a few months ago. They are just too different. Jules puts everything out there, she has no fear or anxiety, she’s fine poking fun at everything, and she’s an open book. Rue isn’t. She doesn’t need everyone knowing her business, especially something that sounds so trivial when it’s said out loud. Rue’s probably the only person in this town who would make a vow to never try drugs because of something that happened when she was seven years old.

Rue grabs another beer but considers just leaving and going home before she can open it. Something tells her to stay though, after all, it’s a graduation party. Plus, even though she’s buzzed, she should probably keep an eye on her friends if they are all rolling.

“Hey,” Jules appears next to her, “Look, I didn’t mean to upset you back there.”

“I’m not upset,” Rue shrugs. And she’s not. Annoyed, maybe, but not upset.

“Alright, well I didn’t mean to piss you off then,” the other girl pauses for a moment, “I really do want to be friends.”

Being friends with your ex is something Rue isn’t sure she totally agrees with, but it’s high school. Plus, they have all the same friends. It’s not fair to anyone if they refuse to be around each other. But some days, Rue wishes that’s how it could be.

“We are friends,” Rue shrugs again, “It’s just, some of the things I told you when we were… I wouldn’t tell my friends. So you don’t need to repeat everything.”

“Okay,” Jules replies, and she seems genuine, “I’ll try to be mindful of that.”

Rue just nods, waiting a moment before speaking again, “So, has it kicked in yet?”

“Not yet, but.. any minute now.”

Rue sighs. It’s going to be a long night.

* * *

It’s Rue’s first official day of college and she's already feeling a bit overwhelmed. Campus is pretty big and there are so many people. More specifically, there is a significant lack of people that she knows. She’s finally out of the comfort zone though, which is good right?

At least her roommate seems pretty cool. Her name is Skye and she was super nice when they first met. She also seemed to respect that Rue isn’t trying to talk constantly, which was majorly appreciated. Plus, they seem to have opposite schedules so they aren’t in each other’s way too much. She knows it could be so much worse.

Rue walks into her last class for the day. It’s an afternoon section of the required freshman composition course. Most of her other classes have been in huge lecture halls where she can remain incognito, but this room looks like it only has about twenty or thirty desks. She figures it makes sense if they are going to be writing a bunch, but still feels a little too small.

She grabs a desk towards the back and pulls out a notebook, starting to doodle as other students slowly fill up the seats around her. She only looks up when the professor officially starts speaking.

“Welcome to freshman composition. I’m sorry to tell you that I take attendance seriously in this course,” the professor half jokes as she pulls out a sheet of paper, “Alright, I will call your names in alphabetical order by last name at the start of every session. Just let me know that you are here.”

Rue sighs quietly. Of course it’s the afternoon class that has the strict attendance policy. She’s brought out of her thoughts quickly when her name is the third one called.

“Rue Bennett?”

“Here,” Rue mumbles, throwing her hand haphazardly in the air for good measure. The professor nods at her and continues down the list.

Rue returns to doodling in her notebook but she gets a weird feeling that she is being watched. The professor is still calling names, but she swears she can almost see someone in her peripheral vision turned towards her. She ignores it, not looking to make friends with random people in this class.

It’s a good plan, until…

“Lexi Howard?” the professor calls out.

Rue immediately stops drawing. Did she hear that right?

“Um, here,” a girl says, two rows over from her.

The voice is a few octaves lower than Rue remembers, but the tone is the same. She immediately looks over and finds herself meeting Lexi’s gaze. Sure, she looks older, but Rue doesn’t need any more proof. She knows it’s her Lexi from the matching look of surprise on the other girl’s face.

“Holy shit,” Rue whispers out loud.

It almost looks like Lexi is going to say something, but the professor has apparently finished taking attendance and has jumped right into the lesson. Plus, there are still several students in between them. Lexi looks away first and seems to reluctantly start taking notes.

Rue turns back to her own notebook and does the same. Honestly though, she’s not registering anything the professor is saying. She spends the rest of the class sneaking glances at her old best friend.

Lexi looks good. Rue’s tried to imagine what she would look like now, who she would be, and she thinks that this version of the girl is probably pretty close to whatever she had in her head. She might be more attractive though.

_Don’t even go there, Rue._

This has to be the longest hour of her life. Finally, the lesson wraps up and class is dismissed. Rue takes her time putting her notebook into her backpack, allowing most of the class to file out. By the time she stands up, Lexi is already heading in her direction.

“Hey Rue. Uh, I wasn’t sure if you’d remember me but…”

Lexi is clutching books to her chest and looks super nervous. Rue doesn’t blame her. She’s feeling pretty jittery right now herself.

“Lexi Howard. How could I forget?” Rue says, watching as the other girl perks up a bit, “I will say though, I honestly never thought I would see you again.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” Lexi’s smile falters a bit.

“Are you kidding? I’m glad I was wrong.”

The shorter girl seems to relax a bit, “Me too. What are the odds?”

Rue shrugs and laughs a bit because truly, what are the odds?

“I know. So, is this your last class for the day?”

Lexi nods.

“Wanna grab coffee or something? Catch up?”

“Yeah, I’d love to.”

* * *

The coffee shop is packed but they manage to find an open table in the corner. Rue buys Lexi’s drink.

They both look across the table at each other in silence for a moment, embracing the awkwardness.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be weird. This is just crazy,” Lexi starts.

“You’re not being weird, it is pretty insane,” Rue replies.

“I don’t even know where to start, like, what have you been up to for the past ten years?”

Rue smiles, “Nothing exciting. Never moved, lived in the same house, went to East Highland. Hung out with most of the same people.. Kat, Maddy, Ethan, that group.”

“I haven’t heard those names in forever.”

“We could spend the next five hours talking about how they all turned out, but I want to hear about you first,” Rue says.

The shorter girl shrugs, “We ended up in Sacramento after we left. It was hard at first. I met a few people at school but I guess I mostly just hung out with Cass and her friends.”

“Did you play sports or anything?”

“Definitely not,” Lexi laughs, “I was on the debate team though. And I did some tutoring in my spare time.”

“Sounds pretty wild,” Rue jokes.

“I know, right?”

“I didn’t play sports either. I did theater. Well, like, the technical stuff behind the scenes. Not the acting.”

“That’s awesome,” Lexi replies, “You did always like that kind of stuff when we were kids.”

Rue nods, “What about Cassie? And your mom?”

“My mom…is kind of a mess. After we left, she was different,” Lexi clears her throat, “But Cassie is great, as always. She was a big hit with the boys at our school. I could tell you hours of stories about her too.”

Rue takes another sip of her coffee, “Somehow I don’t doubt that. What about you?”

“What do you mean?” Lexi asks, confused.

“Did you have a ton of boyfriends too?”

Rue hopes the question came off casually, even though deep down she is dying to know the answer.

“Um, no. That would have required guys to look past Cassie.”

Rue narrows her gaze, “Seriously? What the hell was wrong with them?”

Maybe it’s the lighting, but she swears Lexi blushes a little bit.

“It was for the best, honestly. Most of them were idiots,” Lexi replies.

“Sounds like it. I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with dudes.”

Rue’s not like, a stone cold butch or anything, but she thinks her vibe screams gay for the most part. She’s assuming she didn’t just drop a bomb on the other girl. Even if she did, Lexi doesn’t miss a beat.

“Lucky you,” the shorter girl pauses for a moment, “So, any girlfriends?”

“No. I mean, not anymore. I dated this girl Jules for awhile in high school, but we broke up before we graduated. We’re just friends now.”

Lexi raises an eyebrow, “Sounds like a pretty mature ending for a high school relationship.”

Rue laughs a bit, “Don’t get it twisted, there was some drama. But I don’t know, when the dust settled, being friends just kind of made sense.”

“Jules huh? I don’t remember a Jules.”

“She showed up a couple of years after you left.”

“Cool,” Lexi adds as she takes another sip of coffee, but she seems to get lost in a thought for a moment.

Rue decides to take the opportunity to bring up a more serious subject. She feels like she can’t just ignore it.

“Look Lex,” Rue starts, hoping it’s still okay that she uses the old nickname, “I don’t mean to get all serious, but I’m really sorry about how everything went down with your dad. I wish I had been able to be there for you once we were old enough to understand it.”

The other girl stares at the cup in her hands for a moment before meeting Rue’s gaze again.

“Thanks. That means a lot.”

Rue can tell it isn’t a topic that she wants to discuss further, so she lets it go for now.

“Okay, so now I want to hear the crazy stories about Cassie.”

Lexi smiles again, “Are you sure? We could be here all night.”

“I’m cool with that.”

So Lexi starts to tell her. The two trade stories from their past until they are so hungry that they force themselves to leave so they can grab dinner on the way back to their respective dorms. It’s so easy to talk to Lexi. By the end of the night, Rue almost feels like no time has passed. Or like Lexi had grown up right beside her like she was supposed to.

Lexi scribbles her phone number down on a napkin and hands it to Rue as they exit the building.

Rue texts her as soon as she gets back to her dorm. She never was very good at playing it cool.

_Hey, it’s Rue._  
_Thanks for hanging out with me today._  
_I missed you._

Rue hopes its not too much, but it’s the truth.

_“Thanks for hanging out with ME today.”_

Rue will take that.

A minute passes before she gets another one.

_“I missed you too.”_

Rue’s heart rate speeds up a little bit and she has to wonder if Lexi coming back into her life is going to be the best or worst thing to happen to her.

* * *

Skye invites Rue out to a party on Friday night and as much as Rue wants to text Lexi to hang out instead, she knows that she needs to meet new people, so she accepts. Plus, she sees Lexi a few times a week in class anyways. They still have a lot of catching up to do. They aren’t kids anymore.

It ends up being a fun night. She meets a bunch of other people and makes plans to hang out with some of them again.

Rue thinks she might really like this whole college thing.

* * *

“You’re really telling me that a football game is the most exciting thing going on today?” Rue questions her roommate, sounding a bit exasperated.

“Sadly, yes,” Skye replies, “Just come with us. You can invite whoever.”

“I hate football,” Rue pouts.

“That’s why you just talk to everyone and don’t pay attention to the actual game. It’s a nice day outside too. Come on.”

Rue sighs, “Fine.”

She pulls her phone out, deciding that since her and Lexi have remained pretty friendly for the past few weeks, it isn’t weird to invite her.

_I’m getting dragged to the football game. Want to come with?_

_“Wow, never thought I would see the day…”_

_Ha. Ha. Are you going to save me or not?_

_“Yeah, I’ll be over in twenty minutes.”_

* * *

At least is really is a nice day out. Rue’s always loved the fall. Sweatshirt weather is her favorite weather.

“I feel like we should be day drinking, this is so boring,” Rue gestures at the field.

Lexi laughs, “You know if it’s a close game, it can be kind of entertaining.”

“Howard. Are you.. a football fan?” Rue says with a horrified expression.

“No!” Lexi swats Rue’s arm, “I just went to a ton of games in high school. Cassie was a cheerleader. She always made me go.”

“Uh huh. Not because you had a secret crush on the quarterback?”

“Definitely not,” Lexi adds, shaking her head.

“Thank god,” Rue laughs, “I thought I might have to end this friendship.”

“You better not. I can’t deal with you disappearing from my life again,” the shorter girl replies.

She says it in such a casual tone but it feels so serious to Rue.

“I think you’re permanently stuck with me now.”

“Good,” Lexi smiles.

* * *

It’s weird becoming close friends with someone that you used to know. There are so many things about Lexi that seem the exact same, but there are also a bunch of ways that she’s different and it surprises Rue. It’s good. It keeps her on her toes.

They’re at some halloween house party, ripping shots in the kitchen with some mutual friends. Rue’s impressed because it doesn’t seem like it’s Lexi’s first rodeo. Even though the other girl can be quiet, she must have still participated in the parties her sister dragged her to.

Both of them are dressed up like detectives. Rue’s been on a _True Detective_ binge and Lexi swears that they always played some investigator game when they were kids, so its fitting. Rue’s roommate made a crack about whether or not it was a couples costume, but the look Rue gave her shut her up for the rest of the night.

“Alright, I need to switch to beer,” Lexi comments, “Want one?”

Rue nods, “Good idea.”

Lexi heads into the other room, leaving Rue standing alone at the island. A few seconds later, a girl in a nurse costume slides next to Rue.

“Hey there.”

“Uh, hi?” Rue replies.

It’s not like she is sober by any means, but this girl still has her beat.

“Aren’t you in my astronomy class?” the girl continues.

“Nope,” Rue shakes her head, “That one’s not on my schedule.”

The other girl pouts, placing a hand on Rue’s shoulder, “That’s too bad.”

Rue takes a small step back, “Uh huh.”

“Well, do you want to dance? Or we can just skip to the part where cuff me,” the nurse comments, tugging on the pair of handcuffs Rue has attached to her belt.

Okay, so while Jules was more of the instigator in their relationship, Rue has still never had a girl so obviously hit on her like this before. Rue glances over and sees that Lexi is heading back in her direction, drinks in hand.

It’s not like this nameless nurse isn’t attractive, in another scenario she would probably go with it, but right now Rue just isn’t interested. Damn her heart.

Rue chuckles, removing the girls hand from her belt, “I’m good. Thanks though.”

“Oh come on…”

“Not happening,” Rue says firmly.

“Fine,” the nurse frowns, “Your loss.” She stumbles back into the crowd.

Rue lets out a huff as Lexi appears at her side again, slowly handing her a drink. She raises her eyebrows expectantly.

“Yes?” Rue comments.

“Not into her?” Lexi asks.

“What? She was just drunk.”

“She was blatantly hitting on you.”

Rue shrugs, “I don’t dance.”

“Okay, but she was cute.”

“You can dance with her then.”

Lexi rolls her eyes and scoffs, “That’s not what I meant. I just meant, like, you could have gone with her.”

Rue makes a face, “I know. I’m good. I’m hanging out with you.”

“Yeah, that’s my point. You don’t have to,” Lexi sighs, face softening a bit.

“I know. But I want to,” Rue answers, taking a swig of her drink to avoid extended eye contact.

Lexi’s eyebrows furrow like she’s trying to figure something out, and it looks like she wants to say something else, but she doesn’t. She takes another drink herself before breaking the silence.

“Well, in that case, they need extra players for flip cup,” Lexi motions to a table across the room.

Rue smiles, “Lets do it.”

* * *

Time is flying by. It’s crazy how much has happened in the past few months.

Rue’s walking Lexi to the library after class. They only have one more week of school left before Thanksgiving break, so she’s trying to get as much time in as she can. It’s only a few extra days away, but whatever. Moments when she gets to see Lexi are the highlight of every week. Regardless of the fact that they see each other a lot.

“So, what do you have planned next week?” Rue asks.

“I don’t know,” Lexi sighs, “I’ve been debating just staying on campus, honestly.”

“What? You aren’t going home?”

“Thanksgiving has always sucked. Cassie will bring home her new boyfriend and somehow they’ll end up fighting. My mom will pass out before dinner is even ready. It’s always the same.”

“And sitting alone in your dorm room for a long weekend is better?”

“Maybe,” Lexi shrugs, “At least I could get a head start on studying for final exams.”

Rue cuts Lexi off to prevent her from continuing to walk, standing in her way.

“No way. Just come home with me.”

“Oh, Rue, it’s okay, I- ”

“I’m serious. My mom would love to have you. I’m sure Gia would be stoked. You could see the town again,” Rue rattles off, “And I think we’d have fun.”

Lexi takes a breath, “I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not. I’m asking you,” Rue gives her a pleading look for good measure.

It doesn’t take much for Lexi to give in, “Alright, but only if your mom actually says it’s okay.”

“She will,” Rue smiles, squeezing the other girl’s shoulder before they start walking again.

* * *

It’s the night before Thanksgiving, which means that everyone usually reunites with their high school friends to drink an excessive amount. Apparently, Rue’s friends are meeting up at Kat’s for the night. It makes sense, since there are only a few bars in the town and they aren’t even worth using fake ID’s to get into. The one good thing about this place is that most of her friends houses are within walking distance.

Rue’s holding a bottle of vodka she managed to smuggle home from school in one hand and a jug of lemonade in her other. She leads Lexi to her friend’s front door.

“You ready?” Rue asks.

Lexi nods, “It’s so crazy being back. I can’t believe I’m going to see some of these people again.”

“Well, if you start to feel weird for any reason, just tell me. We can dip.”

“You're sweet, but I’m not worried. It will be fun,” Lexi adds, stepping up to ring the doorbell.

The door swings open, revealing Maddy who has on one of the craziest outfits that Rue has ever seen. Even by Maddy standards.

“What’s up bitches!”

Maddy motions for them to follow her and they head inside. Maddy and Kat hug Lexi and ask her how she’s doing as Rue is ushered over to the makeshift bar. Rue sets down the alcohol and lemonade and starts to mix herself a drink.

“Lexi, want one?” Rue gestures to the bar.

Kat chimes in, “If you rather grab a beer, we have a ton in the cooler outside. Just head out the back and go to the right.”

“I might take you up on that,” Lexi says to Kat, before shrugging in Rue’s direction.

Rue nods and focuses on her own drink as Lexi heads outside.

* * *

Lexi shuts the door behind her before she realizes that another girl is already rummaging through the cooler.

“Oh, hey,” she says as the other girl looks up, “I’m Lexi.”

“No way,” the blonde says, standing up straight, “I can’t believe I’m meeting the infamous Lexi. I’m Jules.”

Lexi chuckles nervously, “I don’t know about that. I could say the same for you, though.”

Jules looks Lexi up and down for a moment, seemingly sizing her up.

“What awful things has Rue said about me?” Jules asks playfully.

“Nothing, I promise,” Lexi replies, “It’s cool that you guys are friends.”

Jules shrugs, pulling a joint out of her pocket, “Mind if I smoke?”

“Oh, no,” Lexi mumbles, “I was just grabbing a beer.”

Lexi moves towards the cooler and opens it, grabbing the first drink she sees. Jules is sort of blocking the path back into the house now, so she stands awkwardly in front of the other girl.

Jules lights the joint, taking a puff, “Rue’s never tried any drugs. Not even weed. Did you know that?”

Lexi looks skeptical as she shakes her head.

“She said that after seeing what your dad put you and your family through, she would never touch them,” Jules adds, taking another drag.

Lexi gulps, “Really?”

“Yeah. I know you were just kids, but you meant a lot to her. She even tried to look you up when she was older.”

Lexi’s eyes go wide, “She did? When?”

“I don’t know. It was like freshman year maybe? She couldn’t find you online,” Jules continues, “You know I would almost be jealous of you sometimes. Isn’t that crazy? I was dating Rue and you were a childhood friend from another life that she didn’t even talk to. But somehow, it felt like she always carried you with her.”

Lexi blinks a few times before responding, “She never told me any of that.”

“Of course not. That’s Rue’s problem. She never just says what she wants to say. She keeps it inside until it builds up and becomes too much to deal with,” Jules says, bending down to extinguish her joint before putting it back in her jacket, “That’s why I’m telling you. Rue will be pissed at me, but she won’t tell you herself.”

Lexi doesn’t say anything. Instead, she cracks open her beer.

“So what’s your deal, Lexi? How do you feel about Rue?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, are you into her?” Jules questions.

It’s a bold question. But it’s not necessarily surprising coming from Jules.

“Uh, I mean, I don't, um… we’re friends,” Lexi answers lamely, suddenly becoming very interested in playing with the sleeves of her sweater.

“Yeah but that’s not really the whole story, is it?”

The door to the backyard suddenly opens and Rue walks out. Rue can immediately tell that she has interrupted the two girls mid-conversation, but that is probably a good thing considering the looks on both of their faces.

“Hey, there you are,” Rue says cautiously, “I see you two have met.”

“Yes, we have,” Jules says with a smirk.

Lexi won’t meet Rue’s gaze and she knows that can’t be good.

“Hey, Jules, I think Kat needs you inside.”

“I’m sure,” Jules giggles, “I’ll see you two in a minute.”

Jules heads for the door and once it shuts again, Rue speaks.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Lexi says, trying a bit too hard to play it cool.

Rue groans, “Shit, what did she say to you?”

“Nothing,” Lexi tries, but Rue shoots her a look, “Okay, she just said some stuff about you. But it’s not like, bad.”

“Fucking Jules,” Rue breathes out, “Tell me.”

Lexi sighs, “She said something about you never doing drugs because of what happened with my dad. Is that true?”

At this point, Rue wishes she had a time machine so she could go back and never date Jules. Not because it wasn’t a good experience in life, but so that she wouldn’t tell her so much. How many times was Jules’ big mouth going to put her in situations she wanted to avoid?

Rue shifts on her feet, taking a gulp of her mixed drink before speaking, “I mean, I guess, yeah. I just never wanted to try anything. What happened with your dad sucked. You moving away sucked. I never wanted to get hooked on something and do that to people I loved.”

Lexi’s face softens and Rue hates how she can look so pretty even in the most uncomfortable moments.

“She said you tried to look me up once, too. Online or whatever,” the shorter girl continues.

“Yeah, I did.”

Rue doesn’t see the point in lying about it. Like, she missed her best friend. That’s normal. Everyone internet stalks sometimes.

Lexi takes a breath, “I did that too. I found you though, but I was too nervous to message you.”

Rue didn’t expect that. But she guesses it makes sense, her name isn’t as common as Lexi’s.

“How come?”

“I don’t know. I was worried you wouldn’t remember me.”

Rue wonders what she would have done if she had messaged her. Wonders where they would be now. Would they have both ended up at the same college anyways? Would they have visited each other? Would anything have been different?

“I couldn’t have forgotten you even if I wanted to, Lex. You were my best friend,” Rue smiles a bit, “Actually, I guess you still are.”

This lightens Lexi up a bit. She shakes her head, but she’s smiling.

“Did Jules say anything else?” Rue asks.

Lexi swallows, lying through her teeth, “No, that was it.”

“Good,” Rue relaxes, “I think she just likes to embarrass me.”

“Well, what else are exes-turned-friends for?”

Rue rolls her eyes playfully, “Come on, lets get back inside before we freeze to death.”

The rest of the night is fun. Jules seems to be back on her best behavior. Maddy talks with Lexi for awhile, catching up and asking about her sister. Kat plays DJ and keeps the music going. Rue plays a round of beer pong solo against Ethan. A few other people stop by. Even Nate Jacobs shows up for a bit. Rue was crazy to think that the Maddy and Nate saga would end with high school.

Everyone has a good time. It’s a rare drama-free night. Rue feels thankful for that.

It’s nice to be home. It hasn’t felt totally like home in years, but it seems that Lexi has fixed that.

* * *

They're both pretty drunk by the time they walk back to Rue’s house. Rue is sure their attempts to walk back to her room quietly probably do not go as well as they think, but she doesn’t hear anything from her mom or Gia.

Lexi drank a lot more tonight than Rue has seen her drink, but she seemed in good spirits, so Rue didn’t say anything. Rue also drank a lot, so who is she to judge anyways.

They both change into clothes they can sleep in, taking turns in the bathroom brushing their teeth. Even when Rue is absolutely wasted, she is OCD about her teeth. As Rue comes back into the room, she sees Lexi sitting on the side of her bed and she realizes that she never thought about where they would both sleep.

“Oh, um, I can sleep on the couch,” Rue starts, stumbling a bit as she walks to her bed to grab her pillow, “You can stay in here.”

Lexi looks up and locks eyes with her, “Rue. Shut up and get in here.”

Rue doesn’t need to be asked twice. She turns the light out and does as she’s told.

She lays on her side, facing Lexi. As her eyes adjust to the darkness, she sees that the other girl is facing her too.

“I had fun tonight,” Lexi says quietly.

“Me too. I’m glad you’re here.”

Lexi scoots a little bit closer, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” Rue croaks out, noticing her heart rate increasing.

“What’s your type?”

“What?”

“Seeing Jules tonight, like, is she your usual type? The type of girl you’re into?” Lexi asks, almost in a whisper.

Rue gulps, “I don’t know. I don’t think I have a specific type.”

“She’s like, model-level pretty,” Lexi adds.

Rue isn’t quite sure what she is getting at.

“I guess. But we weren’t right for each other,” Rue continues, “So, maybe Jules actually isn’t my type. If I even have one.”

Rue doesn’t have a long dating history but she’s starting to think her type is simply ‘current best friend’.

“Well, are you into anyone right now?” Lexi asks.

Rue’s never been a risk taker. She doesn’t want to lose Lexi again. So she tries to say that no, she isn’t into anyone right now. But nothing is coming out of her mouth. Something about Lexi always prevents her from lying with ease.

“Why does it matter?” Rue manages to get out instead.

Lexi may be drunk but she isn’t stupid. Rue knows that her face is probably betraying her right now, probably showing a million different tells that Rue is full of shit. And she’s sure that Lexi is picking up on them.

Lexi doesn’t answer. Instead, she reaches over and places her hand on Rue’s cheek. If the lights weren’t out, Rue is sure her face would be bright red. She’s completely frozen, unsure what to do.

Until Lexi leans over and kisses her.

Rue kisses her back. It tastes like mint toothpaste with distant traces of beer, but it’s so fucking perfect.

Rue isn’t sure if its the alcohol in her system or what, but she’s a little slow to process what is happening. After a few minutes, things are escalating. Lexi’s on top of her now and Rue realizes that this could potentially end really, really badly in the morning.

If Rue wanted to be rational, she would stop them and wait to have a sober conversation about this the next day.

Instead, Rue pulls Lexi’s shirt over her head and flings it across the room. She flips them over, pinning Lexi’s back to the bed. The other girl lets out a gasp that snaps her out of her own thoughts for a minute.

“Is this okay?” Rue breathes out.

Lexi nods furiously.

Fuck being rational.

* * *

Rue wakes up with a killer headache. She glances at the clock and realizes that it’s already noon. Her mom is going to kill her. She was supposed to help start prepping the turkey this morning. Her and Lexi got home pretty late last night though.

Lexi. With that, the rest of the night comes flooding back to her.

She rolls over and finds the other side of the bed empty. Shit. Rue sits up quickly but immediately regrets it. She’s definitely going to need Tylenol. Is Lexi in the bathroom? Or did she bail? After waiting another minute, Rue is pretty sure she’s gone. She grabs her phone off the nightstand, but the only text she missed was from Kat.

_Thank you for coming tonight!! Missed you. Lexi’s pretty great._

Rue scoffs and tosses her phone back onto the table. She then notices that a full glass of water and a few pills are sitting there. Did her mom leave that for her? Great. Now she’ll have to come up with an explanation for why Lexi is MIA.

Rue pops the pills and chugs the water. God, she needs to get it together. She didn’t think she would be this hungover. She manages to stand up and finds the nearest sweatshirt to throw on. Rue opens her door and slowly shuffles towards the kitchen. Overwhelming feelings of dread start to fill her.

She reaches the end of the hallway and sees her mom and Gia sitting on the couch.

“Finally, you’re awake,” her mom comments.

“You look like crap,” Gia laughs.

Rue shoots her sister a glare, “Um, mom, I’m so sorry about the turkey…”

“I’m sure you are. Lucky for you, Lexi was nice enough to help so I didn’t have to wake you up. Not that you deserved to sleep in,” her mom adds, half-joking.

Rue tries to process what her mother just said. She turns around, facing the kitchen, and sure enough Lexi is standing right there. It looks like she’s making something with sweet potatoes now.

“Morning,” she says with a genuine smile.

Rue’s stomach flips.

“Technically, it’s afternoon,” Gia chimes in from the couch.

“Shut up, Gia,” Rue mumbles, shuffling closer towards the kitchen, “You really prepped the turkey?”

Lexi nods like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “Who do you think has to cook at my house? Cass and my mom are hopeless.”

“Good point.”

Rue’s mom stands up, “Well, now that you’re awake. You can help Lexi. Gia and I are going to run out to pick up some bread and dessert. Need anything else?”

Rue shakes her head.

“Can I pitch in for dessert?” Lexi asks.

Mrs. Bennett shakes her head, beaming, “Absolutely not. We are eating at a reasonable hour tonight because of you.”

With that, the older woman and Gia grab their coats and head out. Rue’s not sure if she’s relieved or nervous to be left alone with Lexi.

“Hey,” Lexi says, stepping away from the counter.

“Hey,” Rue replies.

“How are you feeling?” Lexi asks, placing a hand on Rue’s shoulder, “Did you take the Tylenol I left out?”

Rue should have known her mom would never help her out with a hangover. She would lecture her about learning her lesson instead. She’s not convinced she’s avoided that lecture yet either.

“Uh, yeah, thank you,” Rue answers clumsily. She knows that she’s probably being super awkward, but she can’t help it.

Lexi must notice because her face falls a bit, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry, I just…for a minute in there I thought you had left. Like, _left_ left.”

“Oh,” Lexi replies, “Shit, I’m so sorry. I should have left a note or something. I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, it’s okay, I just…” Rue trails off.

Does Lexi remember last night? She seems to be functioning fine, so she couldn’t have been blacked out or anything. But what if she was. Or what if she wants to pretend it never happened. Did Rue take advantage of her? No way, Lexi kissed her first. And she asked her if she was okay. Didn’t she?

Lexi must sense her internal dialogue because she wraps her hands around the back of Rue’s neck, forcing her to make eye contact.

“Hey, I don’t regret last night,” the shorter girl says, “If that’s what you’re worried about.”

“You don’t?” Rue manages to croak out.

Lexi shakes her head, “No. Do you?”

“No. Not at all.”

“Then everything is okay,” Lexi smiles.

“Okay,” Rue says, relaxing a bit.

“Look, I know we probably want to talk about this more. But it can wait. It’s Thanksgiving. I want you to enjoy time with your family, not stress out,” Lexi says.

And as much as Rue does want to talk, she just wants to enjoy this moment too. It’s crazy how Lexi seems to always know what she’s thinking.

“Are you sure?”

Lexi squeezes the back of her neck lightly, “We have all the time in the world, Rue.”

Rue’s never really cared about Thanksgiving that much, but this one ends up being pretty great.

* * *

They talk about everything when they get back to school. Apparently, Lexi has been pining after Rue just as much as Rue has been pining after her. Go figure.

“Would you have ever made a move?” Lexi questions.

“Probably not. I didn’t even know you were into girls,” Rue adds in her defense.

“You never asked. You just assumed I wasn’t.”

Rue thinks about it. She has a point, “Yeah, but, you never brought it up either.”

Lexi chuckles, “You didn’t find it interesting that any time you mentioned boys I had like, zero interest?”

Rue sighs, “Okay. I can be a little slow sometimes.”

“At least you’re cute,” Lexi teases.

Rue laughs before speaking in a more serious tone, “Thanks for being the brave one.”

“You’re welcome.”

Rue kisses her girlfriend and thinks that she has to be the luckiest person on the planet.


End file.
